Although becoming Queen of the Jungle was very exciting, after reaching the top of the animal world, or at least the African sector of it, Katie Hogan decided she needed a change of scenery. She needed to leave before there was an assassination plot. Gifted people naturally attract attention, and, inevitably, some of it is of the jealous and potentially threatening persuasion. Obviously, Katie Hogan was forced to find transportation out of Africa, but Katie Hogan had always wanted to visit Greece anyway. It seemed like a nice vacation spot, so it really wasn’t much of a loss to leave. Unfortunately, airfare was exorbitant even way back when, and land travel was and is just too much effort, so Katie Hogan invented her own method of travel.

She went to the Nile and got a reed, from which she fashioned a flute. With this flute, she charmed some cobras. Katie Hogan took those cobras and braided them into a rope. She waited until there was a big whirlwind and then she lassoed it. A whirlwind is a great way to travel. You just have to make sure it knows who’s boss. It can sense fear, so a firm hand on the reins is necessary. Once you get the hang of it though, it’s one of the fastest and most comfortable ways to travel. Katie Hogan rode the whirlwind all the way across the Mediterranean to Athens, which is quite a feat, because whirlwinds are not big fans of water. She managed to convince it to hop on a passing cloud though, and it all worked out just fine.

Upon her arrival, Katie Hogan met a man named Cleisthenes. He insisted on being called Clyde. He was in a bit of a quandary. You see, he had always thought that the way Athens was run was a bit inefficient and, overall, just a bad job. Katie Hogan, having gained a lot of political experience on the African circuit, gladly decided to help Clyde dream up a form of government that would hopefully radically change history. She remembered that in Africa they had always made decisions by an elaborate system of raising hands. Everyone had their heads down and their eyes shut. Katie Hogan suggested that Clyde try a similar system. The heads of the traditional Athenian clans were really not that different from the lions and tigers and bears who had always tried to run the show back on the Congo. Clyde thanked Katie Hogan for her marvelous idea, although he did determine that a few minor adjustment might be made to make the process officious enough for the Athenians. And so, Katie Hogan became the Mother of western democracy. 

To be continued some more… eventually.

Katie Hogan is a very unique person. Most people who have met Katie will attest to this. However, there is much about Katie of which they are not aware. The full, bizarre story has never been made public… until now.

Katie Hogan was born in the midst of a wild sandstorm in the Saharan desert. Natives claim that a storm of such proportions had never been seen in all of Africa. The sky became dark. The wind howled like a protesting environmental activist. It was as if all of the sand particles in Africa decided to have a family reunion, specifically one where two sibling sand particles got in an argument over their Great Aunt Murel’s will, the whole family picked sides, and it got violent like only a family reunion can.  No one is quite sure how Katie Hogan arrived in the middle of this. It may have been some sort of vortex. The only definite is that it was awesome. Katie Hogan arrived with style, because Katie Hogan is classy.

At first, Katie Hogan had no one to take care of her. She was forced to survive on rays of sunshine and sky water. Contrary to popular belief, sky water is not rain or clouds or anything like that. The sky is blue, everyone knows that. Scientists have explained it with balderdash about light waves. The real reason the sky is blue is because it is an ocean, a giant, upside-down, freshwater ocean. It is almost impossible to get at this water though, because it is attracted to the sky like a magnet. Retrieving sky water requires not only an amazing vertical, but concentration to keep the sky water from escaping back to the sky or dragging you back up there with it. It is a very impressive thing to drink sky water. It requires a certain amount of finesse and general all-around skill at life. We can conclude that Katie Hogan is just such a person. She not only drank sky water, but also managed to catch rays of sunshine to eat. Everyone knows that sun rays are impossible to catch. If there’s even a thought of a shadow near, they run for their lives. Katie Hogan simply asked her shadow nicely to sit and stop being so clingy for a little while she caught her meals.

After some time in solitude reflecting on the wonders of the universe, Katie Hogan was successfully adopted into a tribe of elephants because of her prodigious strength and water-spouting abilities. She eventually became a leader of the tribe and led them to become a political powerhouse in the African Animal Kingdom. 

To be continued…whenever I get around to it.